In Time
by Zivahdavid
Summary: "Time seemed to stop as he took in her face, desperately trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak and totally stunned as one name bounced around the inside of his skull..." Post 13x24...
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys. So This is my contribution to the mass of post-'Family First' fics. I do not accept that Ziva is dead at all so I thought I'd write something. I love the idea that they meet up in Paris but I don't think that Ziva would gamble on Tony and Tali having to find her. Let me know what you guys think/ Whether I should continue?**

 **Thanks**

Tony stared at the TV set in his apartment, he couldn't tear his eyes from the screen as he had his first real moment alone, since the inferno had destroyed Ziva's farmhouse.

He had barely had a single second to himself, between taking care of Tali, being comforted by his father and meetings with Gibbs, Vance and Orli…

He knew that it had been out of love and concern that his privacy had been denied… Yet all he had wanted was to grieve Ziva alone and in peace.

After putting Tali down for the night, he had insisted his father attend a poker game he'd been invited to, against Ted Cruz… or Mark Zuckerberg… or Donald Trump… or some other vastly important CEO.

Though Senior had been reluctant, Tony had remained stoic insisting his dad should go, almost pushing him out of the door.

Even though Tali had yet to sleep through a whole night at his apartment, she was getting better and Tony had needed this time before she roused, to think.

But now he sat- in silence, eyes fixed on the blank screen.

For the first time since he was eight years old, Tony felt no desire to pick a movie to watch, so he sat.

Whenever he was sad, angry, tired or alone he would sit through a film and feel so much better; maybe her death had broken him?

Ziva David.

He had loved her more than anything for so long but had never told her and she then she had left him, almost 3 years ago, to live a life with nothing important but his job and a lifetime of regret.

But Tony had always believed that he would see her again, that they would cross paths one day and find happiness but she now she was gone, dead.

And her parting gift to him had been a child, Tali.

How could she expect him to look after a child that he hadn't known existed for 2 years, or whom filled his heart with both love and sadness every time he looked at her because she was so much like her mother?

His daughter, though he loved her fiercely, was a constant reminder of his loss.

Because he and Ziva could never end up apart, could they?

He had followed her to Somalia and brought her back and he wished that this time he could do the same.

 _"If I could drag her back, I'd do it in a heartbeat but that's impossible Ziva David is dead…"_

They were a package deal and everyone had known it- Gibbs, the Team, Vance, Eli David…

Hell, even some their relationships had ended with their exes begging for them to become and item.

EJ's words rang in his ears:

 _"Ziva appreciates you…"_

Of course he was angry though too.

They had both discussed having families many times, both knowing that the other had wanted one. Someday.

In these conversations about settling down, they had talked about it happening in some very distant, surreal future.

Probably because neither had found the right person - but really they had, they had been seated opposite each other in the bullpen for 8 years …

Ziva had known how Tony had longed for a family, yet she had kept his daughter secret from him.

He had missed Ziva's pregnancy, Tali's birth, her first birthday, first words and first steps….

He didn't know if she had been born late or early or how long her birth had lasted.

He didn't even know what his own daughter knew about him, besides the word 'Abba'.

Tony sighed covering his face with his hands as he breathed out- God if only Ziva had told him.

Things would be different.

She may have still been alive and he would have dropped everything to be with her, the moment she asked- without hesitation or resentment.

Tony's introspection was interrupted abruptly by a composed knock at his apartment door.

He huffed, breathing in to gather himself, clearing his eyes of tears he hadn't noticed pooling under his lash line, he couldn't let his father see him crying, not when he'd assured him he was fine so many times.

He knew it was Senior, no one else would have knocked softly so to ensure not to wake the sleeping toddler in the next room.

He should have expected his father would bail on his poker plans to check on his son, cursing his own naivety he made his way towards the door…

 _"I thought the earth moved"_

As the door opened and Tony froze, his heart stopping as his eyes fell upon the someone- not Senior- the last someone he had expected it to be.

Time seemed to stop as he took in her face, desperately trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak and totally stunned as one name bounced around the inside of his skull.

Ziva.

Her dark main was wild as ever, falling further down her body than it had the last time he'd seen her, devouring her shoulders as she stood at his door…

Was he dreaming?

Yes. He must be because she had died in the fire thee days ago and he had accepted that only in his wildest dreams, would he ever see her again.

Yet here she stood and Tony could have sworn that he was wide awake.

"Tony…" She whispered, surveying him, her chestnut eyes glistening in the dim light.

One word- his name, pronounced perfectly through her soft Israeli accent, just like it had been so many times and years before, cut through Tony leaving him shattered.

He was still trying to comprehend her presence, to convince himself that she was really here, and she was not one of the countless photos he'd memorized in the last few days, when he spoke.

"Ziva"

It was all he could manage without crumbling, his composure falling like paper in water.

"Tony-"

He could hear the emotion in her voice, her tone so estranged that it evoked grief within him, leaving him feeling broken to his very core.

The immensity of how much time they had almost lost hit him and before he knew what he was doing he was reaching out to her.

The moment he felt their figures meet, she melted into him.

Ziva's frame felt fragile as it shook against his own, sobs wracking her entire body.

"I am sorry- so so..."

Her voice cracked as she gulped back breaths attempting to carry on, but emotions that she had been supressing for the last three years were enveloping her.

Tony's hand had found its way into her hair as he strived to be as close as he could to her, trying to close all distance between them.

He breathed in her familiar scent as his head rested on the crook of her neck; he had always thought that she had smelt amazing, unlike anything before her- something that should be bottled and sold.

Where his body met hers, tears stained their skin, as each felt the rawness of the others pain, like a knife wound.

He never wanted this embrace to end because he knew when it did, angry words would come and then decisions about staying or leaving, about their daughter and their feelings for one another.

With each decision came the possibility of losing Ziva and, God knows he couldn't do that again.

As the pair sat on Tony's sofa in tense silence Tony was the first to speak.

"What happened in Israel, Ziva? How did you get out?"

His voice sounded hoarse from the tears that he had just cried as he eyed her cautiously.

She did not hesitate or query his right to demand such answers, but Tony had not expected her too.

She merely took a deep breath and braced herself slightly, avoiding his gaze as she began.

"I had fallen asleep early in Tali's room which was not unusual. At around 11:30 I awoke for no obvious reason- maybe it was... maternal instinct- I am not sure. But something did not feel always said to follow our guts and that is what I did- I packed the go-bag, it was just a precaution, I was not meant to need to use it only for it to settle my mind…"

Ziva recounted thoughtfully, she was still unable to meet his gaze as she relived the events of that night.

She stared profoundly at the cushion next to Tony as if it was something she had never encountered before; her mane captured her hand as she twiddled with her hair.

Tony could see the anguish recounting the story was causing her and the heartache that lay beneath the surface of her words.

"…That was until the alarm was tripped. Orli had set up certain precautions for the farmhouse in case an attack ever occurred- my father had many enemies who would like to see his legacy destroyed and she knew this, wanting to keep Tali and I safe. The alarm gave us three minutes, without which we would not be here. I grabbed Tali and left through a ground floor window. We watched the mortar attack from the edge of the orchard."

Ziva continued but Tony heard something new in her tone, guilt- a pleading with him to understand.

"I watched everything I had left burn and I knew that Tali could not be safe with me as long as any threat remained, but she could be with you. No clever assassin would willingly go after the daughter of an American federal agent in their own country when their true target was alone and unprotected. Orli knew to take Tali to you and that she would be safe. I just needed to stay hidden long enough for the threat to go away. I started to connect with old intelligence sources- though only the ones I totally trusted to remain discreet"

Her words couldn't help but hurt Tony, so he had been given Tali as a tactic rather than Ziva caring about whether he had a family or not.

He fought his desire to interrupt and express his anger at this revelation, but he knew how closed off Ziva was and how shouting her down would get him nowhere.

"When my intelligence came through- that it was Trent Kort who had ordered the attack- I anticipated that I would be in hiding for weeks- maybe less than 24 hours later I received word that he had been tracked and killed by and NCIS team- lead by one Special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I contacted Orli who, though surprised, assured me that all other threats had been neutralised. Less than 4 hours later I was on a flight out of Tel-Aviv and now I am here"

She looked up at him, searching for a reaction. His face was like a bright white light, as she tried to hard to meet his gaze.

Her face was marked with tear tracks as she willed him to say something.

Trying to form a coherent response in his mind, all he could think of was how ironic it was that she had moved to Israel to escape NCIS yet it had seemingly followed her as she ran.

"Tali… Our daughter…why didn't you tell me?" He choked out, revealing the only question he had really needed answering.

His tone perfectly conveyed the pain and anger he felt causing a regret to wash over Ziva, like waves on a shallow beach, slowly overcoming her.

"When I found out I was pregnant wit Tali, it was almost eight weeks after you left- Eight weeks that I had spent convincing myself not to call you, that I was unworthy of your love and that I could never offer you the simple life of happiness that you deserved. I hated myself. Suddenly I was pregnant and I knew that if I was not worthy of your love I could not be worthy of the purest love coming from a child. Telling you would obligate you to come to Israel leaving everything behind: Your job, father, friends- your life Tony.I thought that I could offer you nothing that you wanted and that you would come to hate me, and by extension our child, for trapping after her birth I knew that I had made a mistake. She filled every void in my life and it was as if I had awoken, I came to my senses realising that you would not have resented us.

But how could I contact you now? It would have been obvious that I had not been going to tell you so I did all I could to make sure that she knew you."

"Don't you think that was my decision to make?"

"You do not know how much I wish that I could go back and take a different path. Everyday I regretted my decision, I thought about how it would hurt you. I will always regret that I was not strong enough to banish my demons and that you will pay for my weakness. I told Tali about you everyday, trying to ensure you were part of her life. Her first word was "Abba""

She explained, her voice little more than a whisper as she looked at him sadly.

"Tony, I do not expect you to ever be able to forgive me but-"

She continued before Tony cut across her.

"Ziva, Of course I will forgive you. It will take some time but I will eventually. I thought that I had lost you–I can't go through that again"

He knew he was angry with her but over the last few days he had realised the importance of time, facing a lifetime of lost memories alongside eight years of wasted moments in the bullpen. He knew that he couldn't spend any more time wishing he had told her he loved her, longing for her to want him.

"I love you Tony and I am so sorry for all of it."

"I love you too Ziva"

 _"Couldn't live without you, I guess"_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Let me know if you want any particular quotes included in the next chapter- it's very likely to include Ziva and Senior interacting. Thank you for all of the feedback.**_

They had retired soon after their discussion about that night, too tired and too overwhelmed to discuss further. Though they had left much still to be discussed they both sought the closeness of the other, an unconscious need to be reminded that they had finally been reunited.

 _"Hardest 180 of my life"_

Tony awoke the next morning as light billowed through the windows of his room, illuminating Ziva's sleeping form beside him.

Though they still wore their crinkled clothes from the previous day, Ziva managed to look serene.

Tony couldn't help but remember how they had awoken that rainy morning in Israel those years ago, after a night of passion that had resulted in Tali's birth all those months later.

It was not unlike the scene in front of him now: Ziva laying opposite him, because though they weren't touching their space also offered intimacy; They had never quite grown used to the idea that they could be lovers, yes they had passion, love, lust… But they had never been dependant on each other- maybe in the field or (even occasionally) emotionally but they seemed to lack that human need to share every last detail of their lives with one another- only the important things.

 _"…The things that- you know-matter"_

Maybe that was ironic- that same thing- this unspoken privacy- which ultimately made them so perfect together lead to Ziva keeping the existence of his own child a secret. An action, which had almost been their undoing.

He watched Ziva as she slept, looking so dainty and elegant- you could never have known that the same woman had killed countless men.

Undoubtedly she was jetlagged, it had unusual for Ziva to sleep past her 4am alarm or even his 7am alarm when they had worked undercover before yet his clock currently read 9:04 AM and she barely stirred.

He watched as her eyes fluttered lightly, and her chest fall softly as she bathed in the golden morning light.

As if Midas himself touched her body.

Tony had imagined this day for so many years, so many ways yet the moment still did not feel real.

He had gone from being a man with nothing, grieving his lost love to a man with everything in a matter of days- and to say it had been overwhelming didn't come close…

 _"…Do you really consider me to be in your life?"_

Tony sat up with a start, realising that over the last few mornings he too had been awoken at some ungodly hour by Tali's cries for her Ima.

She had no way of knowing that Ziva was here which meant that she should have woken him over an hour ago…

An unfamiliar sense of panic seemed to bubble within him, building like steam in a pot of pasta, it was more intense than any fear he had experienced in the field- maybe this was parenthood- he thought.

Before he even had time to react to his paternal fear a familiar cry reached his ears, as he heard a high pitched squeal emanating from the hall.

"…Abba!" Tali's giggle offered him very little warning as his bedroom door was flung open.

Tony froze, as Senior appeared carrying the already dressed and beaming little girl.

He had decided that Grandpa had made him sound too old so instead, insisted on being referred to as "Tickle Monster" and then believed that he should have to live up to such a title too.

As the pairs eyes fell upon the two forms in front of them they changed instantly, each contrasting the other.

"Ima!" Tali shrieked, her face the model of pure unadulterated euphoria- her joy evident, whilst Tony's father's was now the same washed out grey shade as his nightshirt- measuring somewhere between shock and disbelief.

Quickly setting Tali down before she leapt out of his grasp, Senior stood, his mouth slightly ajar, unable to tear his eyes off the scene in front of him.

Tali's shrill remark had roused Ziva from her slumber and the little girl now had now clambered into her mother's arms, having mounted the bed with unprecedented speed.

"Ninja baby- that figures" Tony thought.

"Ziva… What?" Tony watched his father stammer, forcing out any words he could muster, as he looked frantically between his son and his paramour.

Ziva however was distracted by the child in her arms, whom she was now talking to in quiet whispered Hebrew.

Tony lost himself for a minute in the innocence and chastity of the scene.

He wallowed in the way that Tali looked at Ziva and how Ziva fitted motherhood so perfectly.

He realised that this was the first time he had seen Tali and Ziva together, noticing how effortless it all seemed.

 _"I said it was a girl"_

That ease would come in time- for both his relationship with Tali and Ziva.

But now the scene he had imagined- hoped, even longed for- for so many years was playing out in front of him and he wanted to revel in every moment if it.

As he pulled himself back to the present, he decided to allow Ziva this moment with Tali.

He knew that he, himself had every right to be angry at her but so did Senior, he had watched his son fall apart for three days as he came to terms with the idea of having lost a love and gained a child.

 _"I'm a wreck"_

Tearing his eyes away from Ziva and Tali he gestured for his father to follow him as he left the room.

The hallway seemed to shrink as Tony rounded on senior, who was still wearing a look of total shock.

"She turned up last night, Dad. She knew that she was in danger and that Tali was too…" Tony started; he could feel the strain in his voice as he tried to defend the very same woman whom he had not forgiven himself. "She knew that the only way to keep them safe was to-"

His voice cracked as he felt emotion overcome him.

He couldn't bear the idea that anyone could judge Ziva for faking her death- he had looked after Tali for just over 48 hours and he already knew he was willing to take a bullet, donate a kidney, and run ten marathons to keep her safe.

The pain he had endured over the last three days was well worth the price of his daughter's safety.

"Son, you've been in pieces. I've never seen you so distraught and here she is in your bed?"

 _"Did you or did you not sleep with him?"_

Anger began to swell in his stomach as he felt the weight of his father's insinuation:

That he had forgiven Ziva, given no regard for his daughter and left it as if nothing had occurred –for what? Lust?

"I haven't forgiven her for keeping Tali from me, Dad, but faking her death- Yes I have. She did it for Tali- our little girl- to keep her safe. I can't say that in her situation I wouldn't have done the same thing, even if it had hurt her…"

"But what situation is that? We don't know-"

"Do you really think that I would just let her back without talking to her. When she came to me last night, the first thing she did was explain everything- all of it."

He could tell that this approach was doing nothing to satisfy his father's distain.

 _"… That you have always had my back…"_

"Both you and I know that there was never going to be moving on from Ziva… I thought she was gone and we had wasted so much time not saying how we felt because of stupid, small things. None of it mattered.

Only now she's not dead and I can't let myself waste another day because I am angry. After everything I've seen working at NCIS, I cannot live in a world where anger beats love."

He had seen countless cases, where loved ones who had been left behind spent endless duration regretting not having had a day more together, or that they had been angry at the time of their husband, wife, partner's death.

He had watched lost love tear people apart from inside to out, leaving them empty and angry.

He had also seen love heal these people providing people with the flotation that stopped them from drowning.

 _"Cherish each other everyday. "_

He watched realisation dawn upon senior's face as he finished his sentence.

Love. He loved Ziva.

 _"Have you met your soul mate, Miss?"_

Yes Ziva had hurt him, but that was something they would have to figure out without anyone else deciding how they should do things.

They had spent far too long letting other people influence their relationship.


End file.
